We face difficult conversations every day. 

Saying no. Managing conflict on your team or in your family. Trying to collaborate in the midst of disagreement or distrust. Apologizing.

Difficult conversations are attempted or avoided every day. Issues left unaddressed can fester and become triangulated within organizations. This will eventually eat away at our ability to trust each other and tackle complex issues together.

When it comes to gauging the quality of our conversations, two questions are key:

1. What are we talking about? Are we actually talking about the “real issues”?And if so, what are the real issues from each point of view?
2. How are we talking about it? Are we talking about the issues in a way that will maintain and strengthen relationships or will damage our ability to work or live together?

If you don’t know what kind of conversation is occurring, you’re unlikely to connect.

PERSONAL REFLECTION QUESTIONS

1. What difficult conversations are you having in your life right now? Which relationships have friction?
2. What is the story you tell about the other person in terms of their intentions or character? What’s the story they tell about you? In what ways might you have a negative impact even though you have positive intentions?
3. What are the “real issues” in the conflict from your point of view? What are the real issues from the other person’s point of view?
4. What might happen if you shift your purpose in the next conversation to exploring why you see it differently? How could you start that conversation?

TEAM DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. What are the challenging conversations we face as a team—internally and externally? What are the “real issues” from each player’s point of view?
2. What are we currently doing that is working well in engaging those conversations? What are we doing that isn’t helping? What would we like to change?
3. What role do feelings play in how we work together? What array of feelings have we each felt over the last month? How might we better support each other as we navigate frustration, confusion, or anxiety and celebrate moments of relief, resolution, and accomplishment?
4. As an experiment this month, what’s one thing each of us could do differently to navigate hard conversations?